


Labyrinth

by misslowercasek (xavacid)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Myriad, superagent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 04:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8431285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xavacid/pseuds/misslowercasek
Summary: nodus tollensn. the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre—which requires you to go back and reread the chapters you had originally skimmed to get to the good parts, only to learn that all along you were supposed to choose your own adventure.(I am posting this on behalf of daretogobeyondtheunknown) She is also now on ao3 and started posting her own stuffs. (yay!)





	1. nodus tollens

Alex didn’t understand. As she climbed the steps two at a time, she wished she did.

Rattling the key in the lock, Alex kicked her toe against the peeling off white paint, the last tumbler falling into place. Who needed high end security when just the thought of break and enter caused the floorboards to creak and the door to whine in protest? That and aside from a couch crafted of clouds, Alex’s apartment had nothing to offer. No television, computer,or expensive sets of clothing with any worthwhile jewellery to go with it. Hell, Alex wasn’t even sure if she had a full set of cutlery to offer any would be thief.

Maybe the thief would dust.

Alex eyed the surfaces nearest her with passing interest. She really should do something about it all. If she did though, where would Kara leave her little caricatures and odd notes?

Kara.

The headache Alex had been chasing for days returned and with a growl Alex slammed the door shut, the dust shifting ever so.

“This isn’t happening right now,” Alex mumbled as she made the short trek to the washroom, discarding articles of clothing along the way. The water was near scalding and the pain it left behind, Alex thought, was simpler than anything else in her life at this moment.

_Promise me._

Water and tears cascaded down, an indistinguishable blend as they circled the drain. When did she become this? Reduced to choked sobs muffled by the heavy fall of water and insulated walls? She was Alex “fucking” Danvers the unstoppable, ingenious and alluring force. She was highly capable and more than able to separate fantasy from reality. She was gripped by reality; grounded in logic, reason and every law of physics that kept her bound to Earth’s pull.

She was all of that yet none of it all in the same breath. Everything she stood for lived and died the moment Superman marched across her parents front lawn and Kara Zor-el became the very centerpiece of her existence; the sun to her celestial body.

And she’d almost lost that. The very sun she needed in a way she never needed anything - not even the air she breathed - left Alex trembling and weak and so absolutely terrified. When had she become so absolutely dependent on one thing - one being - that life felt like it would cease without them?

Fists clenched, Alex slammed them against the tiled wall again and again and again, refusing to desist even when they throbbed, flakes of tile and blood joining the mix of water and tears. Nothing would ever hurt more than losing Kara. The realization of just how much Alex utterly needed Kara might however rank a close second.

When the pain of Myriad had grown so much and Kara was leaving, selfless and so very much the hero she was always meant to be, Alex would have willingly sacrificed everyone if it would have meant keeping Kara safe. Even if Alex knew in her heart Kara could never live with such an outcome, Alex allowed the lines of reality and fantasy to blur with the ease of something so terrifyingly habitual. Like breathing.

And it was long after - Fort Rozz floating in space, Kara safe and surrounded by the smile and laughter of friends and family and that stupid grinning James Olsen - Alex felt her gut twist and her body sober with realization: Kara would never need her the way Alex needed Kara.


	2. gnossienne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gnossienne
> 
> n. a moment of awareness that someone you’ve known for years still has a private and mysterious inner life, and somewhere in the hallways of their personality is a door locked from the inside, a stairway leading to a wing of the house that you’ve never fully explored—an unfinished attic that will remain maddeningly unknowable to you, because ultimately neither of you has a map, or a master key, or any way of knowing exactly where you stand.
> 
> (I am posting the fic on behalf of [misslowercasek](http://daretogobeyondtheunknown.tumblr.com/) since she doesn't have an account here on ao3.)

“Has anyone seen Alex?” Kara asked as she scanned the D.E.O. base.

From her post at the center console, Agent Vasquez turned toward the cape clad heroine and offered a nod, “Supergirl, Agent Danvers is not here.”

Kara eyed the monitors curiously, “On a mission?” Had J’onn really sent her out already?

“No Ma’am, Agent Danvers requested the day for personal matters.”

The information came as news to Kara. She had never known Alex to take personal days. Even in school. Alex had been on the verge of hospitalization - fevered, bleary eyed, and staggering - and yet still she had insisted on attending. Kara had needed to beg Alex to even pause in her pursuit down the lawn, swearing to Rao to do anything if Alex would just stop.

It took Kara’s promise to exploit her super hearing and signed documentation to the school’s principal from the Danvers and the family physician - stating that Alex Danvers was not refusing to go, she was being detained against her will - for Alex to finally agree to stay home. For one day.

That day, Kara learned that Alex Danvers did not miss anything.

A chill echoed down Kara’s spine and the all too real tendrils of fear crawled beneath her skin, rooting her in place in a way Kryptonite never could.

“Supergirl, what can the D.E.O. do for you?” Hank asked as he strolled into the room, Lucy in tow.

“Where’s Alex?” Kara croaked, the tremor unmistakable in her voice, “Wher-”

“Supergirl!” Her knees felt weak and her chest tight. The world had shifted - suddenly unstable. All around the voices may have spoken but it all melded in a way Kara couldn’t decipher. It was like during her first months under this yellow sun, the dialect wrapped around her tongue like sandpaper and the sounds blending in a thousand symphonies played simultaneously. It made focus near impossible.

All Kara wanted to hear was the beat of Alex’s heart.

It took longer than it might normally, but Kara found it: faint, stuttering. Like when Jeremiah Danvers never came home. Like when Kara pulled away, hurt and confused and feeling utterly lied to. Like when Kara said those awful things under the influence of Red Kryptonite. Like when the Kryptonite blade tore threw Kara’s flesh with sickening ease. Like when Kara said goodbye, the last I love you catching in her throat and all Kara could hear was the stuttering of Alex’s heart and the sound of each tear as it fell, colliding with the floor like Kryptonite to Kara’s heart.

A warm hand on her shoulder momentarily steadied the world and Kara looked to Hank terrified, “Breathe, Supergirl. Agent Danvers requested the day.” Hank’s voice was calm, soothing, and Kara felt the coiling in her chest ease and the strength in her legs returning, “It is rare, Agent Danvers is exemplary punctual and committed. But she is still human.”

Human.

It wasn’t as though Kara had forgotten. 

No, Kara could vividly remember every cut, bruise and sneeze. She could map the fractures and scars of Alex’s body like an astronomer could map the stars in the night sky. No, Kara never forgot just how physically human Alex was.

“Not all things are physical, Kara,” Lucy whispered from her side offering a sympathetic squeeze. Kara hadn’t noticed when Lucy had stepped in, offering a steadying hand. It was a comforting pressure but it wasn’t Alex. No one hugged the way Alex did.

Kara raked through recent memories for something, anything. Alex hadn’t _seemed_ troubled. Kara could recall the banter over the placement of forks and Alex’s urging for the champagne trick. Then again, Kara realized, she hadn’t actually seen Alex in the days since.

Exhaling shakily, Kara stepped back. It might have earned her concerned glances from Hank, Lucy and Agent Vasquez but the last thing Kara wanted now was whatever comfort they might offer.

Had Alex been suffering and Kara, pouring her time into Catco and into navigating the unknown terrain with James, simply failed to notice? How could she have missed the way Alex’s heart stuttered and her chest heaved? Kara had heard every stutter, flutter and pump Alex’s heart made, memorizing it as if it had been her own. It was the Adderall Kara needed when her focus waned or the world became too much. It was the one person on Earth Kara needed like this world needed to breathe, who she would do anything to keep safe and Kara had not _known_?

“I- I need to go,” whispered Kara stumbling over her feet towards the nearest exit. Kara needed Alex. Needed to know Alex was okay. Needed to feel the warmth of Alex’s skin beneath her fingers and her soft breath against her ear. Like when they were young and the sky was closing in and Kara couldn’t breathe or the sounds pierced her ears like a banshee’s cry or the nightmares left her helpless and paralyzed. Only Alex could ever make it better.

Kara broke the sound barrier. And still the distance between the D.E.O. and Alex’s apartment felt light years apart.

Standing before the off white coloured door Kara paused. She hadn’t thought passed this moment. No, all Kara knew was that she _needed_ Alex and now that she was here, Alex’s heart beat so near…

Alex hated this door. Hated the way the paint peeled, exposing the grains of wood beneath. Hated how it creaked and groaned when opened. Hated how on the most exhausting of nights, it seemed to take notice and refuse the brunette entry.

Tracing her fingers over the peeling flecks, the untreated wood peeking out from beneath, Kara smiled. This door reminded her of Alex: stubborn, guarded, protective, and vocal when necessary. As Kara pushed the door open, her ghost of a smile spread. The door opened without protest or sound. It always did for her.

Closing the door softly behind her, Kara scanned her immediate surroundings. It _looked_ normal. All the dust, the lack of anything except that Rao sent couch and black punching bag. Kara frowned as the odours of the apartment registered. It smelt like iron, stale air and Hennessy. But…

Kara stopped dead in the doorway to Alex’s room, her heart breaking. Alex was okay if the beat of her heart and shallow breathing were any indication. That seemed to be the end to okay though as Kara took in the near empty bottle of liquor, blood crusted knuckles, and the bare skin of Alex’s back. Alex hated sleeping on her stomach, much less without some form of dress. It was vulnerable Alex had once explained; thoughtless.

Edging near, Kara reached out, “A-Alex?” The sound caught in her throat - weak, desperate - and Kara cringed.

Alex always woke easily. Be it the faintest whisper, the rustling of covers or even a sneeze two rooms over. Alex slept lightly. The lack of anything brought with it the tendrils of fear and with trembling hands, Kara swallowed the anguished sobs that threatened to bubble over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to the [original post](http://daretogobeyondtheunknown.tumblr.com/post/144785950568/labyrinth-pt-ii)

**Author's Note:**

> to the [original post](http://daretogobeyondtheunknown.tumblr.com/post/144378628923/labyrinth-pt-i)


End file.
